Remembering the Trust
by pegbronco
Summary: This is a 'Fix' related story. Starsky waits as Hutch fights within himself.


I own all grammar mistakes,

But don't own the guys.

Just like spending time with them.

This is "The Fix" related.

REMEMBERING THE TRUST

By Pegbronco

The apartment at 2480 Ridgeway was drenched in shades of gray and ocher. Only a small lamp in the far corner lit. The air was thick of anticipation and concern. There was no TV, no soft music. Only the sound of the heart pounding in the chest of the brunet that sat slouched, waiting. There was no distractions for his mind. His only thoughts of that of his beloved partner.

It had been twelve hours since the bust. Twelve hours since he caught a side glimpse of his partner pocketing a small packet into his pants. The blond eyeing to see if anyone had seen. Not knowing that his partner had seen the slight of hand. Twelve hours since he watched his partner slowly cave into himself. A head held high, now watching the ground. His self loathing instantly taking over him.

Starsky glanced down at his watch,1:48 in the morning. Had Hutch given into the unwanted craving? Caved into giving Forrest the satisfaction of turning him into that which he despised? The dehumanization was just a few short weeks earlier.

In the darkness of the night, the sound of the LTD slowly stopped down on the street. It would take ten minutes before the sound of the car door closed shut. It took an eternity for the sounds of heavy steps to slowly ascend the steps to the front door. Then the lack of a knock or opening of the door, was disturbing. The silence was thundering out a message. Hutch was hurting.

Starsky waited, then made the decision for his friend, he pushed himself off the couch. His friend had slowly made his way to him, but had stopped short of that final connection. The look into each others' eyes that held the world for them. The look into the others' soul.

He slowly opened the door. His best friend in the world stood in a weakened state. The door frame weighted by the big blond leaning on it. His appearance was that of a person with nothing left in their soul. He looked to almost fold into himself. Blond hair was tangled, damp and plastered to his forehead. His shirt half tucked, the left sleeve rolled to the elbow. The sight sent panic raging through the brunet.

Starsky reached out and took his arm. No words needed or said. The blond gave into the gentle tug and stumbled in.

Starsky guided him towards the couch, but Hutch dropped as his internal world threw him to the floor. Starsky was down at his side in half a heart beat. He glanced over the blonds' body to make sure there wasn't any other reasons for his collapse.

Satisfied that there was none, Starsky silently sat on the floor and watched his friend. Giving him time. The minutes passed. Hutch still averted the connection. His eyes went to the ceiling. Still unable to look into the eyes of the man that he loved more then life it's self. The eyes that held his heart and soul.

With a tender touch, Starsky touched his chin and slowly forced Hutch to look at him. The blue eyes of the blond shouted out torment. Showed that in an instant he had given into the craving that still had a relentless possession on him.

"Hutch?" softly and lovingly asked.

There was no reply. Hutch slowly reached down and pulled the small unopened pack from his pocket. He slowly placed the offending pack into Starsky's hand. The brunet looked down at it. He looked at the drug that had turned his strong friend into the man that now laid in a quagmire of self disgust in front of him.

Relief and confusion took over his mind. He looked down at his friend. The eyes of the blond moist with unshed emotions.

Starsky discarded the pack that had undermined his partner. He reached down and caressed Hutch's check. That was all it took, the unshed white hot tears that were burning in his throat, rushed out, draining the blond. Turning his head. His self worth was gone.

"Hutch…please." Starsky again tenderly turning his face to lock eyes with him.

Through the tears Hutch saw the world of love that only they shared.

"It…it could have been y…you instead of Jeannie," so low, so full of emotion, it was almost inaudible. Again his self disgust made him turn away.

Realization hit Starsky, piercing him in his heart. Realizing that Hutch would have given _him_ up for the world that only the drug could give. The world that still haunted him.

"No Hutch. You wouldn't have," he took the big blonds' hands and held onto the life line. Relaying the love that the blond so desperately needed right now.

Hutch turned back to the blue eyes.

"I begged for it. I would have done anything to get it. Even if that meant giving them… _you_." He tried to roll away. Starsky stopping him by griping his arm and forcing him to stay put.

Starsky could feel the tremors that had taken over his friend. The shakiness of self hatred, loathing and disgust. Hutch had fallen into the whirlpool of despair, allowing himself to drown in it.

"Hutch, look at me."

The blond laid there on the floor, now looking up at his partner.

"I would have forgiven you." his thumb caressed the exposed left arm that he held.

"But…"

"No Hutch. There is no but."

"I would have betrayed you."

"No Hutch. You would never do that. It would have been the drug that did it. Not You. Know why I know?"

Hutch looked up at his partner, then slowly shook his head.

"I know you would never do it, for the same reason that you didn't take the drug tonight." Starsky took Hutch's hand into his left hand and placed it against his chest. His right hand pressed against Hutch's. Moments passed.

No words were needed. The unspoken words of love, devotion and most of all trust, flowed freely between them.

"Understand? There is nothing in this world that you could ever do that I wouldn't forgive you for. Nothing." The brunet smiled down at the blond that slowly eased his emotions. 'Me and Thee' roared across the plains of their shared world.

"Now Blondie, if we're over this, lets say we get off the floor. I mean, not unless this is where the pajama party is tonight. Then I'll go get our pillows."

A small smile crept to the corners of the blonds' mouth. Leave it to his partner to always bring him out of his self destruction. He loves the man for all that he is. His friend, partner, soul mate.

Starsky stood and offered his hand. Hutch took his hand, slowly pulling himself to his feet.

"We alright now?" Asked with love. Sea blue eyes looking into sky blue.

The blond shyly nodded his head.

"Good. Now lets go to bed and get some much needed sleep. If you behave yourself , I'll tell you a bedtime story."

The small pack of heroin laid unopened, untouched, unwanted. The world that it offered, extinguished by a world of love, devotion, and trust.

END


End file.
